“I experienced verbal abuse, sexual abuse...I went through some things that you wouldn’t think a little girl like me would’ve gone through.”
That is how 26-year-old Marei Karanga describes her early childhood growing up in Tolaga Bay, on the East Coast. Long before she was expelled from high school at age 13, she felt she was a three-year-old girl sitting dressed in her uniform every morning, waiting for the sun to rise.
“I don’t think I was running towards school because I loved it more than everyone else,” Karanga says. “I think I was running away from home.”
Now a Māmā of three, Karanga is coming forward to recount her experiences with childhood trauma, systemic gaps in education, and her commitment to breaking the cycle for her tamariki.
‘Reading the room’ at three years old
Raised primarily by her father after her parents separated when she was two, Karanga says her household was dominated by heavy drug use, alcohol, and violence.
“As a three-year-old, I was trying to analyse a room before I even got in,” Karanga says. “You’re looking at the cars, you’re looking at even how a window is open...you just knew how your afternoon was going to be,” says Karanga.
“There are moments where I remember I would just get beat up through the hallway...thrown into the walls, hit with objects,” she says.
Despite the abuse, Karanga stresses her father was not solely a figure of trauma, noting he also showed kindness and taught her foundational life skills. He used reading the dictionary line by line as punishment, an act that ironically accelerated her literacy.
She recalls standing in front of an empty fridge as he asked if that was how she wanted her future to be, a moment she now views as him fighting his own internal battles.
“Dad wasn’t all bad, and that’s probably one of the hardest things for people to understand,” Karanga explains. “He had kindness in his heart... Children don’t stop loving their parents because they’re hurt by them. They simply learn to carry love and fear in the same heart.”
Living two different lives
At primary school, Karanga thrived. By age seven, she was advanced in reading and math, winning awards, leading kapa haka, and becoming a prefect.
“At school I was a different person,” Karanga says. “I was a high achiever, school prefect, the leader of kapa haka groups, I was number one at sports. I was everything that I wasn’t at home.”
While educators recognised her potential, nobody saw the severe abuse occurring behind closed doors. First exposed to cannabis at 10 and alcohol by 12, Karanga used substances to numb her reality.
“I wasn’t looking for trouble,” she says. “I was looking for somewhere my mind could finally be quiet.”
As she entered intermediate and high school, her pain turned into physical aggression.
“I became the bully,” Karanga says. “I fought anyone who seemed happier than me or anyone who looked like they had the life I wished I’d had.”
Following repeated suspensions, Karanga was expelled from high school in Gisborne at age 13. She reports that no authority figures questioned the root cause of her behavioral changes.
“Nobody asked why,” Karanga says. “Nobody asked what had happened. Nobody asked if I was okay... They pointed fingers, suspended me, and eventually expelled me.”
Reclaiming her voice for her tamariki
Today, Karanga lives in Rotorua with her two-year-old son while her two older sons reside on the East Coast. Along with launching her own business, keeping her home free of substances and violence is her top priority.
“We don’t bring violence or drugs or alcohol around him,” Karanga says. “Things that were normalised around me, that’s something we don’t bring around him. Love is the main factor.”
By speaking out, Karanga hopes to help other young people facing similar struggles.
“If I was to ask myself at a little age, it’s that you have a voice and nobody can stop you from using that voice,” Karanga says. “It’s okay to ask for help.”
Where to get help:
If you or someone you know is experiencing family violence, help is available.
- Shine – Free, confidential support for anyone experiencing or affected by family violence. Visit Shine or call 0508 744 633.
- Women’s Refuge – Support, advocacy, and safe accommodation for women and children experiencing family violence. Visit Women’s Refuge or call 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843).
- Are You OK? – Information and support for people experiencing or using family violence, and for whānau wanting to help. Visit Are You OK?.
- Safe to Talk – Free, confidential support for anyone affected by sexual harm. Visit Safe to Talk or call/text 4334.
- 1737 – Need to talk? – Free, confidential support from trained counsellors, available 24/7. Call or text 1737 or 1737, or visit https://www.1737.org.nz.
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111.
